What we intend to make this event based on:
OUR VALUES
BODY POSITIVITY
We love bodies & appreciate body variety, nakedness and the courage to broaden our socially programmed beauty standards. Bring all your fat, hair, non-hair, skin, pimples, bones, shapes, let’s have a celebration and un-shame it all!
Imagine animals being ashamed of their bodies, like a monkey trying to hide its belly when jumping to another tree - isn’t it absurd?!
Let's just have bodies - and be bodies...
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SEX POSITIVITY
We are (not only, but also) a sexpositive event, welcoming all the spectrum of (non-)sexual feelings, tendencies and consensual actions as well as nudity. There will be some sexual content & spaces.
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It's always possible to opt out, and we neither request nor guarantee for you to be involved sexually.
Also, sexuality is welcome, but it's not our main focus.
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We explicitly celebrate queer sexualities and identities, and we generally invite questioning gender stereotypes, socially programmed patterns and beliefs that we carry about "who should or should not feel and do what".
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INCLUSION
We intend to increase comfort & support within our groups.
Everyone joins a BUDDY GROUP of 3-4 people, who meet daily for sharings, mutual support, questions, and possibly requests.
In our DAILY GATHERINGS we facilitate content for group connection & communication - relaxation exercises, small games, sharings, encouraging clearings & sharing appreciations with each other, singing & dancing together...
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Many people wish to feel included in a group, and we offer our frame work, but we will not (and can not) "make you" not feel lost, lonely or insecure.
Feeling connected also is related to skills, which you are welcome to train at our event, like:
building social connections throughout small moments here and there like at meal times or in the sauna, telling others about your feelings, initiating conversations, expressing desires, partnering up for exercises...
Connection may come by vulnerability, which you can practice by showing yourself & sharing what you feel.
You can also be a part of a microcosm by just witnessing, or practise the art of being alone and taking care of your beautiful self...
We see all of this as an attitude of empowering adults into shaping their own experiences.
THE 3 PROMISES
A little tradition of ours: In our event opening gathering everyone can make the following promises to themselves, to encourage selfcare, gentleness and raise inner consent skills:
CONSENT & SAFETY
For easier consent, we allow NO ALCOHOL & DRUGS during the event.
Also, events like this can create a somewhat drug-like experience, therefore we don’t consider it completely sober. Natural highness! 🫠 But: highness makes consent & self-care more difficult!
So we invite you to TAKE IT SLOW, don't rush, take breaks to feel what you really want or need in that moment (which could be two different things). 🌝
We ask you to keep CONFIDENTIALITY - don't share things about specific people to others.
If you’re wondering whether something is okay to share - first ask the people involved.
Also, DO NOT TAKE PICTURES of people who haven’t explicitly agreed to it. 📸
Our EMOTIONAL SUPPORT TEAM will be available for you at specific times (see in our timetable in the PROGRAM) - you can come to them if you feel unstable, emotionally challenged, lost, confused, sad, upset, in need of company…
We also have our Soul Care Room constantly available for emotional regulation, crying, screaming, difficult talks, being held, …
If you experience DISCRIMINATORY BEHAVIOUR OR SITUATIONS in aspects like racism, queer-/transphobia, matters around disabilities, migration, gender, classism/wealth, abuse of all kinds - if you face any challenges (related to unjust societal structures or not), please come to us. Our team wants to support you. We are not all trained in anti-discrimination, but self-educated (to different degrees), aware of existing marginalizing dynamics, we will believe you and are willing to support & learn.
SEXY ETHICS
We want beautiful, fair sexuality in the world, and if you might be in sexy interactions at this event, we would love you to:
a) inform yourself beforehand about SEXUALLY TRANSMITTABLE INFECTIONS (STIs) and ideally get tested (can take a few days, plan ahead!) , e.g. in Cologne at SEGE, Checkpoint AIDS, local health centres...,
learn more: sex-aware.org or check out some videos on youtube - educate yourself, and practice safer sex, use protection, communicate about it…
and
b) if you are in RELATIONSHIPS that include agreements, clarify about your AGREEMENTS. We recommend being specific and honest e.g. about physical or emotional boundaries/actions. We don't want people to break their partnership agreements or hurt each other out of unclarity.
We also encourage AFTERCARE:
check in with someone after you shared an intense experience -
How are you? How was it for you?
RESPECT
Respect can mean letting someone be, even though we dislike something about them.
It can also mean HYGIENE - showering, changing smelly clothes, brushing our teeth.
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We ask you to practice respect in terms of language around gender identities: try to not assume people’s genders from their looks, or guess their pronouns, instead ASK PEOPLE FOR THEIR PRONOUNS and use their pronouns for them.
For us as a team, respect also means that in case of a conflict, we try to consider all sides and try to get in touch first before deciding for consequences.
LOW HIERARCHIES
We are aware of our structural power position as team members - we choose the content, give instructions, set rules... As the resposibilty carriers, we may also make decisions in certain situations, so - the structural power is real.
Additionally, people tend to idealize or look up to team members or facilitators.
We try to keep this emotional hierarchy low, by not presenting ourselves as "wise amazing know-it-all gurus" - we consider our views just as subjective as any others. We don't try to be an example of what you can become if you try hard enough. Like everyone, we have flaws, personal difficulties, needs and boundaries, trying to figure out life.
TEAM = PARTICIPANTS:
At our event, team members are allowed to interact with participants in any way they want, if they are not actively facilitating.
This is risky - many people expect facilitators to be skilled/advanced about intimacy, assuming they know the "right way to do things" which can make consent more difficult.
We make our team members aware of that and request them to be very mindful about how, when and whom they interact with.
We strongly suggest for a more intimate or/and sexual encounter between participants and team members, to get to know each other more first, have a longer chat, spend some time, and by that reduce projections/ideas you have pre-created - which is generally a good idea, by the way. 🙃
We are open to feedback & discussions around this.
BOUNDARY VIOLATIONS
& ASSAULT
In these spaces, many people try out new things, find themselves in unusual situations – some people go further into certain experiences in sexpositive spaces than they would in the 'real world'.
Also, our content can create a natural drug-like state of being, which can let us be more light-headed and make consent more difficult.
So yes, boundary violations can happen in our spaces,
and are absolutely not okay,
just like anywhere else!
We want this to be a supportive space. We want to talk about these issues, learn to be more aware of ourselves, learn to create consent, to read body language…
We don't believe that boundary violations will stop happening at some point - but we do try to support that they hopefully happen much less, and learn how we can deal better with them when they happen.
If we (the team) hear or see that somebody’s boundaries are being crossed, we do offer support to the people involved. We prioritize the needs of the harmed ones, and if possible we also get in touch with who harmed them, aiming for clarification, awareness, responsability and soothing, if the harm was unintentional.
Depending on the situation, we may decide to remove them from the event and see about further consequences.
We have no tolerance for intentional assault.
EMERGENCY MEDIATOR
Our EMERGENCY MEDIATOR can be approached if there are any difficulties, struggles, conflicts, that are too big or unsuitable for the regular Emo Support, or in case you have a problem with our team or the main organizers.
We do realize that a person that we assign for this, may not feel like an objective person to you, if there is a conflict with us - you can of course also involve anyone you feel comfortable about, if necessary.
For PANDORA 2027, this position is held by Alina.
You can find her in our team!
ADVENTURE & FAILURE
Let’s try out new things.
Let’s risk things going wrong.
Let’s have some tolerance for failing.
Let’s not let the idea of failing stop us from trying something.
And for that, a pro tip from experience - REST RECOMMENDATION: To digest your adventures and possible failures, we recommend you take breaks, walks, naps, time to integrate, and also free time for yourself after the event. We advise you to take a free Monday afterwards if you can, or even 2-3 days.
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LOVING TRUTHFULNESS
We love for people to be as true as possible about what they want, don’t want, feel, believe…
We support honest & direct communication while trying to keep it loving & caring.
We invite you to cultivate a YES TO WHAT IS THERE (emotionally) instead of forcing - if you’re not in a sexy flirty mode, we’d love you to be gentle on yourself, take a rest, maybe cuddle or sleep, instead of forcing yourself into anything.
We encourage you to stop things instead of adapting and pleasing others.
Cry if you’re sad.
Find a way to express anger if you’re angry.
Let’s meet here and now, with what is there.
(This is also a basic aspect of Gestalt therapy, which some of our content is based on.)